In this post, I want to show you how you can search for your best friend.
Whatever this means to you—build your buddy system, hone your homies, meet your mates:. I know it feels a little weird to be talking about the science of making friends—to break down friendship into steps. But, unfortunately, the art of building friendships often gets lost in childhood. I think friendships are important and worth the effort. So, I have broken down the process into steps so we can relearn this essential skill. Go through the following list of steps, just like you would court a new date.
You are going to court your new friends. Most people think about the kind of person they want to meet. Something like this perhaps? Then you look at the list and think about where you might find this type of person. A list like this also makes you more attuned to spot this person when you see them. Look at the list above and see if anyone you already know pops into your head.
It even could be a distant relative, or a friend of a friend, or a spouse of a colleague. You are starting from scratch. Make a list of places, groups, clubs, classes and social networks where you might meet the kind of person above:. This is the most important step for making adult friendships. Adults make two mistakes that get them all mucked up when it comes to making friends:. Flirting helps with both. Whether you already have someone in mind or you are going to go to a few events and meeting new people, here are three ways you can friendship flirt:.
By this point, you have someone or a few people in your life who you think might make a great friend. You want to pursue them, go on some dates, spend more time together. Here we borrow a saying from weddings. In the States, most brides wear four unique items on their wedding day for luck or just for fun.
I find this is an easy way to think about different types of wooing. Now comes the serious part. You have someone you like and slowly have been courting them. Most importantly, you want to know if you are good for each other. Over the next few weeks, go through more of the wooing steps and ask yourself these three essential questions:.
Toxic relationships happen when we secretly have ill wishes for someone or they have them for us. They get jealous, they get judgy, they get controlling. This is the most amazing, fulfilling, mushy-gushy part of friendships.
I think this is the part of the friendship where investment really pays off. What do I mean by investment? Emotional investment, time investment, energy investment. Even the best romantic relationships require tune-ups and energy. I think it is beautiful. Yes, I am getting mushy-gushy. Friendships are our greatest asset.
During lunch, I had a system to hang out with all of my friends. When the end of school bell rung, I would skip along the line of waiting mothers in . (like asking to be blindfolded and seeing if I can recognize each of them by scent). mate and spending time and money on dates wooing the perfect romantic partner, but for. You evade all responsibility, leaving them to handle it all. You could begin to wear down the friendship if the other person feels like you . In fact, good friends know how to pick up right where they left off no matter how .. I can't believe I never realised how bad i am at this before. .. Thenks I use this for my school project.
We can make amazing friendships as adults—it just takes a little bit of courage and a little bit of romance. And then… middle school. It went downhill from there. I was waiting to board a plane at an airport the other day and overheard two little boys have this incredible interaction: Hi, I like trucks.
I like trucks too. This is my dinosaur.
Can I be your friend? We meet fewer new people. We no longer have new classes every semester like in college, an infinite number of high school clubs or sports or summer camps to attend. Our priorities have changed. As kids, priority number one is fun. You want to play. You have recess, school vacations, after school play dates and camp. As adults, we work, we have family responsibilities and we have to pay bills.
Oftentimes, play and fun and relaxation take a backseat. They might say no. I want to give you a different approach to making friends: Friendship is the new romance. We attempt to play soccer together: We have won only one game so far. My husband humored me by taking the only 2 person kayak Looking back, I realized we had gone through a courtship process of sorts. We search for soul mates, why not best friends? Whatever this means to you—build your buddy system, hone your homies, meet your mates: How to find the right kind of friends How to transition from acquaintance to confidante How to build solid friendships Warning: The Science of Making Friends as an Adult Go through the following list of steps, just like you would court a new date.
Choose Your Own Friendship Adventure: Witty Outdoorsy Smart Stable Job Family-oriented Then you look at the list and think about where you might find this type of person.
December 23, at More from the current issue. The next term we define out of that circle are soul mates. It was great getting to know you Irish people! This helped me and my friend solve many of our differences:
Go through the following prompts: What kind of person do you love hanging out with? What made a childhood friendship so special? What kind of person fits well with your personality? What activities would you love to have a partner for? Make a list of places, groups, clubs, classes and social networks where you might meet the kind of person above: Flirting This is the most important step for making adult friendships. Adults make two mistakes that get them all mucked up when it comes to making friends: They go too fast. Just like in a romantic relationship, if you go too fast in a friendship, you might end up being friends with the wrong kind of person.
They become clingy, you pull away, awkwardness all around. This is just like having a crush on someone, but never asking them out. Whether you already have someone in mind or you are going to go to a few events and meeting new people, here are three ways you can friendship flirt: Friends are for fun, for play and for relaxation. One of the easiest ways you can see friendship compatibility is to see if you are into the same things. Just like on a date, you want to float things you enjoy and see if they do too. You can mention a concert you went to last month. Ask what they are up to this weekend.
Talk about your favorite sports team. Besides being a companion for activities, the best of friends also need to provide emotional support. This is often where friends and best friends divide. As you get to know someone, you want to know if they have the same values as you. For example, I had a great friend who thought it was extravagant to spend money on travel. I do it all the time for work and pleasure. Every time I had a trip coming up always we would get into the same argument about it. In the end, it drove us both nuts about the other.
Most importantly, as you are interacting with a potential friend, tap into how they make you feel. Do you laugh with them? I look for encouragement from others like my friends to evaluate if I am heading in the right direction. But nobody knows what the outcome would be. I realized I have to follow my intuition. If there is something I desire that does not violate the law of God and nature, I go for it. I remind myself that I can do it. There is only learning to have whether I succeed or not. I need to hear my own voice whether I should go for my dreams or not.
In teaching, intrinsic motivation is more encouraged instead of giving bribes like stars and rewards. This will push the student to excel if there is an inner drive to help fuel the goal. It comes from within the individual out of will or interest. When I am surrounded by people who are always willing to help me, it makes me rely on them so much. But when I have no one to ask for help, it opens new areas for learning.
I was told I am good in theories but not much on practical. My friends pampered me with tasks that require more of cognitive skills. Since no one is there to help me, I had to turn my weaknesses into strengths. I discovered myself, even more, when there are no outside noises to dictate what I can or cannot do. It gives me the chance to know myself even further.
It is a time to create myself. Since I have no one to seek counsel with, I opened myself to more room for learning. I read books more than I ever did in my entire existence. I attend courses and seminars. I join conferences to improve myself. My situation gave me a limitless perspective. In the past, I had no interest learning other areas because my circle of friends is the same. I never wanted to get out of my comfort zone. But since I have no choice, I found out it is exciting to try and discover something new. Who would realize that reading philosophy books are fun?
How would I know I can actually learn how to sew? How will I know I have the courage to join a cooking contest and win the 2nd place? I found out that I can learn anything if I have the determination and persistence to do it. Well, the truth is I have friends. But they sure come up to me when I need them. They give me pieces of advice that sometimes are very hard to swallow when I need one. They hit you right at the core just like real friends do. I met my new set of friends from books I read, documentaries I watch and seminars I listen.
I study them carefully. I try to get to know them better day by day. I write down all the important messages they have for me. Sometimes they keep me awake at night. When I try to solve my problems, they are there seated on a round table brainstorming for the great plan. They never fail to give me the right message. They always remind me of my goals and dreams. Napoleon Hill is one of my great friends. Would you believe that lots of famous presidents, entrepreneurs and people belong to this set? I trust them, and I believe they have my best interest in mind.
Who said friends should only be physical, right? I define them as people who push me to become better and aid me when I need them. Having no friends right now helped me to strengthen my faith more than ever. It reminds me that everything happens for a reason.